(Get it straight, I love my team)
Being a gentleman isn’t all about the ladies you score. It’s also about being selective about the people you choose to surround yourself with. But when your credo has been “bros before hoes” since you were a youngster, loyalty plays a tricky part in separating those who are actual anchors in your life from those that are just weighing you down. Everyone has friends that they met by sheer luck: elementary school and highschool. By that I mean, the people that were put in front of your mug were there because of proximity to the school, not because of shared interests or pursuits. But going into college, university, and your workplace life, men begin to find that they can choose their friends if they have the courage to do so. It’s all about establishing a group of friends that can simultaneously navigate the club, play their role as wingmen, AND hold interesting conversations during dinner parties.
Take stock of your current group of friends and ask this question: Which of these people would I choose to hang out with now if I met them as a stranger today? It may startle you to find out the answer. If these guys are part of your crew you need to either pray they fix their behaviour on their own, or cut them off, as you grow apart.
1. The Cheapskate
Perpetually talks about the big money they are going to make, and how they “are getting that paper” yet routinely ducks you for small amounts of petty cash. Hard to get a hold of when they lose a $10-20 bet, and then Instagrams pictures of them holding two bottles in the club. Not that the cheapskates have a lack of money, they just choose to spend it on themselves rather than honour their commitments. They usually try and talk you down with, “we’ve known each other so long, and you’re going to make a big deal about $20?” Well, if it’s really not a big deal friend, pay up.
2. The Angry Drunk
Growing up doesn’t mean you have to stop getting wasted. On the contrary, you should be getting wasted in fancier places. The real strength of drinking is it loosens your inhibitions to act out who you really are. But there’s one problem with that: some people are really angry. Steer clear of that friend that likes to pick fights and draws you into them when their drunk. It’s not a matter of loyalty to your friend, of course you have their back. But when there’s no good reason to attack someone, do you become an accomplice in that? Did you support Germany when they attacked Poland out of nowhere? Don’t answer that it was a rhetorical question.
3. The Serial Canceller
There’s something to be said about people that have the courtesy to call you in advance to cancel. I applaud those who actually appreciate other’s time and make the effort to reach out to you to let you know they can’t make it. But the person that cancels over and over while promising they’ll make it up to you next time, that’s the person to watch out for. I can’t tell you the number it has to get to before you start questioning the party’s motives, but usually when you stop giving them the benefit of the doubt, you’ll know that you’re at the point where you’ve stopped trusting their words.
4. The Drunk Pervert
Ah, alcohol: the cause and solution to, all of life’s problems. Getting a little frisky with the opposite sex is a natural action when you’re a little over the edge, but the drunk pervert is where YOU get embarrassed. I mean, you’re the guy that brought along the guy that can’t take a hint and gets turned down repeatedly. You’re the guy that comes along to break up the conversation when the woman you know (also a friend of yours) shoots you a “save me” look after they were trying to be nice. And they are the ones you also have to watch in case someone passes out. But let’s not go there.
5. The Negatron
This is your all-negative all the time robot machine. Most likely a hardcore videogamer since he feels all real life interaction is a waste of time. Constantly shoots down ideas or calls opinions stupid. Is usually condescending with their categorizations of people. Includes backhanded racist remarks such as “I don’t like Jewish bakeries.” Most of all, makes you feel guilty for actions you do by using lines as “c’mon, remember when we used to… it won’t be the same now.” Yea, that guy.
And there you have it. I don’t usually have friends, but when I do, it’s never one of these five.